Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
