I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
