Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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