My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
