I can tuck mytits in my pants
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So vagazzling was a success
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
