Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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