If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
