you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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