My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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