We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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