I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
