I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
