my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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