There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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