how can u be prego again
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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