I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
