im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
