college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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