I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
