Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
