I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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