Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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