turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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