Where did you get a picture of my penis
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Princesses don't give blow jobs
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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