Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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