If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
