If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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