I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
