Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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