I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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