On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
