Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
