are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
