Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
