fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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