So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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