I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
