Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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