I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
