Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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