im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
