I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
