Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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