Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
