i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
