Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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