My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
