You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
