4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
