Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
