I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
