i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Operation Purity has been aborted
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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