Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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